I have an idea!!

Leave it to Hayden to turn a horrible situation into something hilarious. As most of you may know, my father was in ICU recently because of some major health complications. A 3 day "sleep" was something a lot more serious than any of us could have imagined. Prior to us calling an ambulance, my mother and I had tried to wake my father up. Hayden must have overheard us trying to wake him up because he came down the stairs and offered his assistance in only a way that he could. About a month ago, I had bought an air horn from the dollar store. Although it wasn't a dollar, it was $2 actually, I brought it home because I'm a) an asshole and like to frighten my family members and b) well honestly I bought it cause I'm an asshole and thought it would be hilarious. Anyway, Hayden has taken quite a liking to this air horn and enjoys using it to either scare someone, or wake them up. Luckily, they wear off fairly quickly and I haven't bought one for a while. When Hayden had noticed we were trying to wake up my dad without succeeding, he offered his advice.


I HAVE AN IDEA!! Maybe, we should go to the store and buy a horn and then we can wake up Papa!!

Then from across the room, directed at my father Hayden begins to yell HORN, HORN, HORN!!!!! Once he realised it wasn't working, he let out a loud OHHH MAN! and went back to his room to finish whatever he was colouring or ruining. I was really lucky that Hayden didn't understand the severity of the situation and I am extremely greatful that he offered that little bit of Hayden that I needed :)

You're poor!!

I'm glad that all of Hayden's blunt comments aren't always directed towards me. I find myself warning people and apologizing in advance for anything he says. Matt and I had to go to Kingston a while ago and we needed someone to watch Hayden while we were gone. Trish had just gotten back from her vacation in South Carolina and hadn't seen Hayden for a while. She was quick to volunteer to watch him, obviously not realising the verbal assault she would recieve. Hayden can eat 1000 times a day and still manage to be hungry. Luckily, he is a fan of fruits and whole grains, so snacking on that all day doesn't really effect his slim little figure...lol. Anyway, Hayden had probably been at Tricia's for about an hour before he asked for food (which is a record I might add). He walked to her fridge to see what was available for him to begin his snacking for the day. Keep in mind that Tricia had just gotten back from vacation and really hadn't had a chance to go to the grocery store. Hayden opened up Tricia's fridge, seeing that it was empty.
"Wow! You're poor! You've got no food!"


He obviously could have just pointed out the lack of food in the fridge, but being Hayden, he needed to take a little stab at Tricia as well. Because she had no food, Tricia took Hayden to McDonalds for lunch. Only my son gets rewarded for being an outspoken brat....lol

GEORGE!!!!

A couple of years ago, when Hayden was 2, we had briefly lived with my cousin Kelly and Bob. During that summer, Hayden had become very familiar with the UFC fighter Georges St.Pierre. For those of you who don't know him, he's probably one of the best Canadian MMA fighters we have to offer. Anyway, that year for her birthday, Bob bought Kelly a cardboard cutout of GSP. Hayden always asked who 'he' was so we just told him that it was George, like he was a regular guy. Every morning, Hayden would wake up and walk down the hallway, turn to GSP and say "Good morning George!" and go about his day. It was a pretty funny thing to watch a 2 year old say good morning to a cardboard cutout....until we went to the mall.

One day we were at the Bayview Mall in Belleville. Outside of Red Beard's, a sports goods and memorabilia store, there were a few MMA fighter cutouts set up in front of the store. I didn't happen to see which fighters were out there until Hayden started full tilt running towards them from the other side of the mall. There goes my 2 year old son, running towards a cardboard cutout screaming “GEORGE!!!!!” like he hadn’t seen him for years. Talk about embarrassing! What was even better, was it seemed that every person who worked that day was standing outside the store. Apparently they thought it was the funniest thing ever. I didn’t know if I should be proud that my son knew who GSP was or if I should be embarrassed that my son talked to cardboard. Needless to say, a lot of people that day got a good laugh.

"Tails" of a 3 year old

I don't know what makes this story funnier, the actual act of doing it, or Hayden's description of how he did it. Hayden had just finished his bath for the night and was getting dressed, or so I had thought. I was sitting in the living room with my Dad watching t.v. waiting for him to get finished. A few minutes later, he comes downstairs, completely naked, giggling like mad. He's in a phase right now where mooning people and streaking are high on his to-do list for the day. Let's hope that ends by September. Anyway, as he's standing in the living room naked, my Dad asks him where his underwear is to which he replies he didn't know. Obviously not thinking Hayden would take it literally, my Dad asks him if his bum ate his underwear. With a laugh, Hayden ran upstairs. A few minutes later, Hayden comes downstairs, still naked, but this time he's added something. "Look Mommy, I have a tail!!" He then turns around and hanging from between his little buttcheeks is a pair of his underwear. He crammed those suckers in there so well, he was able to walk down the stairs without them falling out. "What are you doing?!" I asked him, trying not to laugh at the same time. I can honestly say I've never seen anyone with a pair of underwear hanging from their butt. He then proceeds to explain to me, step by step what he did.
"I went up to my room and pulled my buttcheeks apart. Then I shoved my underwear up my butthole and now I have a tail!!"
Being the great mom that I am, I asked him to wait in the living room completely naked with a pair of underwear hanging from his buttcheeks so I could go and grab my camera. And he waited.....

It's MAGIC!!

Today was a particularly hectic day. Hayden was slightly restless and seemed to be bugging me all day. I decided to let him watch some videos on my Ipod. I don't think he's really had a chance to see what my Ipod is really capable of. I went to the Youtube link thingy and searched for some videos for him to watch. Once I found one he hadn't seen 1000 times, I gave him the Ipod for him to watch. After a few seconds of staring at it in awe, Hayden turns to me and screams "HOW IS IT DOING THIS?! IT'S MAGIC!!!!" The smallest thing he's ever really watched t.v on is my laptop so to him an Ipod was a magical device that brought him the Wiggles! For the next hour, all I could hear was him say to himself was "Magic...this is really magic!!"...By the time he's in his teens, his head is going to explode due to all the technology around him....lol

The Flu, you are no friend of mine

December 24, 2008. Christmas Eve. Apparently that year for Christmas, my gift was Hayden having the flu. This was the first time he had it, so it was quite a doozy. I spent all night trying to teach him to puke in a bucket. Being only 1 and a half, it was quite a fight, but luckily from that day on he's been a bucket puker.
The flu hit again in 2009, this time, Hayden was able to vocalize how he felt about it. He had been lying in the living room on his Diego couch with his Diego puke bucket next to him. He was at the point where nothing would stay down. After just finishing quite a power puke session, Hayden lies down on his back, looks up to the ceiling and says "Why God, Why?!" At that time, I had yet to really touch on the God subject. I didn't think he really knew who God was. Hayden had obviously heard me puking one morning from drinking too much the night before. As I think about it, Why God why?! is part of my hang over vocabulary. Hopefully he doesn't associate God with puking. Note to self, give him a quick religion session in the near future.
This year, the flu seemed to bounce off all our family members. It started with Hayden, who puked on his floor, thus the end of the world happened for him. "I couldn't find my bucket, so I had to puke on the floor! WHERE IS MY BUCKET!!!" was what I was greeted by that morning. After numerous, "I don't want to puke anymore!!"'s, the flu was gone from Hayden and had moved on to Jaedyn. Jaedyn was in the bathroom and unfortunately didn't have the chance to puke in the toilet so on the floor it went. Hayden was the first on the scene. "Oh that's no good. She needs a bucket" was his response when he seen what happened. Like many other kids, Jaedyn doesn't have a puke bucket. After I told him this, his response was heartmelting. "Well she can use my Diego bucket. It can MINE and HERS for pukin!" Oh the love of a 3 year old. Bringing our family closer together, one puke at a time.

Star Whores?!

I must make too many cakes for people because any mention of someone's birthday, Hayden asked me what cake I'll be making. This time I actually was making a cake so his question was appropriate. Here's how the conversation took place.

"We're going to Donny's birthday on Saturday" -Me
"What kind of cake are you making?" -Hayden
"A Star Wars cake"-Me
"Star Whores?? I love Star Whores!!!" -Hayden
"No, no, no! Star WARS!"-Me
"That's what I said!! Star Whores!"-Hayden

So now when we go to Donny's birthday on Saturday, Hayden will more than likely tell everyone I made a Star Whores cake...fantastic!

Yet Another Shopping Disaster...

A child who refuses to ride in a cart is frustrating. Despite having radar and being able to spot every candy/toy within a 20ft radius, Hayden is also a wanderer. He doesn't really pay attention to what's going on around him. For his sake, I should keep in mind that Walmart is probably heaven to him. Toys upon toys and more candy than he can imagine. However, when you're in a hurry, that doesn't really matter. On one particular day, Hayden was being quite the little ray of sunshine and all I wanted to do was leave. To speed things up, Matt picked Hayden up and walked to the cash with him so we could pay. Well, apparently Hayden wasn't done "shopping" and didn't want any part of Matt carrying him. While squirming around with no success, Hayden decided he was going to do what he does best. Yell. After repeatedly saying, PUT ME DOWN, Hayden stops, looks at Matt and calls him a dork. When a 3yr old calls you a dork, it's really funny. Both Matt and the cashier started giggling. I just kept pretending he wasn't my child. Don't even lie, you know you've done it too. Hayden was obviously upset that he was being laughed at because he looks Matt right in the face and says "Oh, you think you're funny eh?!!?". An adult statement coming out of a 3yr olds mouth is hilarious. At that moment, it didn't matter to anyone around that he had been the devil 10 seconds prior to that statement. Anyone within earshot was laughing. I was okay with him being my son again....lol

Shopping...a bringer of nightmares

Shopping with children until the age of 5 or 6 is quite an ordeal. I have tried Hayden's entire life to do all of the shopping that needs to be done without him. One particular incident stands out quite clearly in my mind. Being a 2 year old, you don't really know much about shopping. Hayden sees me put things in the cart, which in turn makes him think he can put things in the cart as well. It's not too hard to put back some of the things he puts in the cart when he's not looking. However, Hayden may have found the one thing that isn't so easy to put back. We were in the candy aisle; that's obviously strike one when you have a 2 year old with you. Anyway, we were in the candy aisle, I can't remember what we were looking for, when Hayden decided to take a plastic container full of jelly beans and put it in the cart. Being quite short, it took him quite some effort to do this, so really it was more of a 'toss' than a 'place' in the cart. Have you ever dropped a container full of jelly beans at any height? Well if you haven't, let me explain. There's a thin, plastic seal along the lid of the container. Apparently, when you drop the container, the seal breaks. And when that seal breaks, the container opens. And when the container opens, a 2 year old is now in heaven and he's hit the jackpot. All over the floor were hundreds of jelly beans. There is no parent book out there that prepares you for a scene like this. With a loud, YAAAAA!!!!, Hayden began to run around picking up as many jelly beans as he could and starting shoving them in his mouth. So, I did what every mother would do. I picked Hayden up, and booked it! There was no way I was staying around for that! I sure do hope no one tripped on those jelly beans, and if you did, how did you not see them!?